So it’s been a minute since I posted something new…and FUCK…a lot of revelations, stress, and kick ass things have been going on. So try to follow me here…
Ok, let’s go back to last Thursday. The musician dude and I made plans for Sunday to hang. I’ve been going back and forth on whether or not to talk to him about what happened, and whether or not it was just a drunk moment or something more….I was truly thinking the latter based on the length of our friendship and the specific and genuine things he’s been saying to me. Thursday I went out with some old work colleages and got the unsettling truth….he’s a dick….he doesn’t know he’s a dick…but a dick nonetheless.
I hear that this is a pattern…he chases, he conquers, he backs off…but if you happen to get him in a “relationship”, he’ll stick it out for a few months and THEN end it…leaving the chick totally heartbroken. Then get this…after you’re gone and over it, he considers you “the one that got away.” So yeah…he’s got some issues to resolve. My friends both say that he let “a lot of awesome women go….don’t be a casualty….RUN.”
So Sunday comes around…and suddenly, a friend of his was in town “so we better reschedule.” Wow…I am truly an idiot. Yes, it was ONE time….yes, I had NO expectations at the time…yes, I was intoxicated…yes I said I didn’t want a relationship….but now that I know that I was just a conquest, I am hurt and feeling super used…and I don’t know if I can handle being his friend. I am definitely NOT having “the talk” with him now…it’s pointless and would probably make me feel more rejected. I am resentful, because these feelings I now have for him never would’ve surfaced had he not disclosed what he was feeling and intending. So here I am…feeling pretty icky about this whole thing.
Fast forward to four nights ago…he invites me over, it’s fun….and then, this dreaded subject comes up. He tells me he’s “really into someone”….and that it’s not me. This has been going on since August 2nd apparently. He says the chemistry between him and I is “undeniable”, but that he has to explore this other relationship. THEN he proceeds to call her while I’m there! So yeah…I left with this feeling of confusion, rejection…but also a sense of relief. I know now what he’s all about…and it sucks. He was a friend….we crossed that line….and now it’s weird….grrrrr…when will I ever learn?
Haven’t heard from him since then…and quite frankly, it’s ok….he’s simply not the guy for me….I know that now….but damn, I cant help but think what could’ve been.
Ah fuck it….who needs a drink?
