Started the weekend right…got to go to my friend’s house in Lake Stevens for their weekly bonfires. It was also the first time that tyhe ex and I would both be at the same function with our friends. To get technical, they were his friends first…but they’ve made it clear that they don’t see it that way. They all came along at a time when I needed people to make me laugh…and oh my god…they make me laugh! They’ll are VERY talented, and inventive musicians and I feel honored to be a part of that group. Just to give you a taste…this is a song all the boys came up with…totally spontaneous…
|
|
|
 |
So the ex and I talked, were civil and all is now right in that little situation. He really is a good guy…he’s just a shitty boyfriend. He has some great qualities, and I’m seeing those again, just this time as a friend…which is a good, good thing!
My last post included a situation with a “friend” who suddenly decided to reveal his feelings for me….and since that encounter….nada. Well kids, it hasn’t got much better.
Last weekend we hung out at his place…did the whole red wine/listening to vinyl records. It was nice, and we hung for a few hours…until he got like violently ill! Before this…we were making very uncomfortable small talk. I cannot make sense of him…I have no clue what the fuck he’s thinking and it’s getting almost annoying at this point. Not once has he brought it up, or made any comments or “moves” than that first fateful encounter.
So last night, go to see him perform (he’s a musician) at this cool Irish Pub in Seattle. I walked in as they’re performing….and he zooms in right on me and loudly announces “hey, it’s Sydney” as I walked by the stage…very embarassing. So the band takes a break to mingle..and everytime I could see him coming towards my end of the bar..I panicked and briskly walked outside for a smoke. Now…remember, this is my perspective…he may not been coming to talk to me but I wasn’t chancing it.
He finally catches me, tells me how happy he is that I made it and gives me a suspiciously long hug. Now…this is the totally sweet part. I’m sitting there laughing my ass off about something (and if ya’ll know me, you know my laugh is VERY distinct) and I turn my head and he’s standing there looking right at me and smiling…then quickly turned away when he saw that he was caught. It was so sweet and genuine…he was watching me…ME! Ok….so that’s good, right? Well, that was about all I got…said goodbye and left.
I don’t get it…he’s not bringing this up, and I’m sure not going to. It’s not my place right??? He opened this can of worms, so he should figure it out. I’m starting to think that he was just curious…got to experience what it was like…and is done….and that infuriates me. BUT, I also know that he doesn’t have a history or doing that and that he and I are friends above all else. So…why would you do that to a friend? Was I just a novelty item? God I hope not…
So I am just at a loss. I am NOT ready for a “relationship” per se…but if one can evolve slowly, then I’m down….but I may never know. Is he waiting for me? Thinking that I’m skittish? That I make a mistake? I am geuinely perplexed by this. So…I’ll check back on this in a few weeks when we hang again.
Spent most of the day laying on my couch and being lazy, listening to music. Here are a few bands you should check out…music is my saving grace…without it I can’t function!
-The Cold War Kids
-Radiohead
-The Future Fossils
-Trip Like Animals
All can be found on MySpace…check em out!
Ok…so next blog I figure I will give you the lowdown on my life so far…the autobiographical blog…prepare yourselves, it’s EPIC 
